Advice

Boyfriend, bummed

Question

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about one month and meanwhile he is climaxing quicker and quicker. He also says he's not really enjoying it as much because it's such a short time. Any suggestions or comments?

That's pretty normal as partners get more comfortable having sex⁠ together, so you should let him know that doesn't mean anything is wrong.

But if he's not satisfied with that, the trick generally is just to mix it up: to mix in way more activities than intercourse⁠ , and to focus on his whole body, and sexual⁠ activities which are more whole body, rather than just on his genitals⁠ , or activities which are solely or primarily about direct genital contact. He can also, of course, focus more on receptive activities for you with his hands, mouth and other body parts, as that, too, will likely delay his orgasm⁠ .

One other thing a lot of people with penises find works for them in regards to this is masturbation⁠ before dates. Too, bear in mind that the refractory period⁠ for younger people with penises is really quite short, so if his first orgasm comes quick and leaves him and/or you feeling unsatisfied, he can always have another go a little while after the first.

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  • Heather Corinna

I’m going to suggest you look at reciprocity in sex -- the idea that one person gives something, so the other should get something of equal value back -- in a different way than you might be used to. (Excerpted and adapted from S.E.X., the Scarleteen book.)