gender

From both our personal experiences of our own varied sex lives, and in our work in sexuality with many other people, it seems pretty clear that really letting someone into an internal space in your body, or going into someone else's insides -- which we know might sound a little gross, but that is what's going on with this stuff -- is a fairly big deal for many people. So, what might make sexual entry different from other sexual activities?

I think the easiest way for the two of you to get out of the cycle about arguing about this is to take it off the table for right now. Here's what I hear: • I hear that he is feeling conflicted about whether or not he is ready, in many ways. However, it sounds like most of what he is saying is that...

Before I say anything else, I want to be sure to connect you with a couple of avenues for help because I am very concerned about the state you're in right now. Clearly -- and it's really common for this to happen -- seeing your rapist has triggered a lot for you and clearly, you are in a state of...

He may be older but he's not wiser, and he's not acting like a grownup. He doesn't want to grow up, which is part of why he's dating people he perceives as not grownup themselves. He also doesn't have the bad stuff that happens to you because of him happen to him to make him want to change: if he was in your shoes, he'd ditch him in a heartbeat.

What you're discovering is one of the many ways in which virginity as a concept often doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Let me be plain: if you two pursue sexual pleasure together, however you choose to do it, whatever your bodies are like, I think you're having sex; you'll have had some kind of...

Masturbation is natural and in no way unhealthy for people of any gender if and when it is what someone wants for themselves. It's also not something that's just okay or healthy for guys, or more healthy or okay for men than for women. It's something that the majority of most people do and report...

If you want to have any kind of sex with another woman, even together, than it's not honest to say you don't want another woman. You obviously do, in this way. As well, another partner is a person: not a sex toy, not an object, not some new "thing." So, for everyone's sake -- particularly for that...

and Zooey also asks, I had casual sex with a friend of mine and the aftermath here is getting a bit out of hand. We talked about having sex before we actually did so; however, I just broke up with my boyfriend and I made it clear that I wasn't interested in any emotional relationships. Last week my...

I'd say that one big part of being ready to have sex with a partner is either having some measure of trust in them or being okay with big risks of things like someone telling other people intimate things if you don't have that trust. But most of the time, most people are going to want to go with the...

You can -- and should, in my book -- talk about this with him in advance if you have this concern. Neither men nor women lack the ability to be sure, when having any kind of sex with a partner, that we are paying just as much attention to them and what they want as we are to ourselves and what we...