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prepbeautii asks:

Every time I try to make my boyfriend ejaculate (whether it be a hand job or head) he never does. I have done it for up to 10 minutes constantly, and he never ejaculates. Am I doing something wrong, and what can I do to fix it?

Sarah replies:

I wouldn't say you're probably doing anything "wrong" here per say. Unless something is causing pain or injury or simply isn't wanted, it's not really fair to characterize it as "wrong."

Have you asked your partner what he likes? If not, then I'd start there. Sure, you could go get a book or a magazine or look up all sorts of fancy techniques, but there's no guarantee that any of that would work with your individual partner. There's no magic technique that makes everybody go crazy. Instead, it's much better and more useful to ask your partner what it is that he likes. Everyone has individual preferences and tastes and it's just more effective to find out what those are.

Beyond that, remember that orgasm is neither the "holy grail" nor is it generally as straightforward as pulling on X or pushing on Y. Orgasm is something that is in both mind and body. Just doing something with somebody's body if their mind is not on the same "track" so to speak probably won't get them there. If your partner is stress, worried, or just isn't "in the moment," that could have have something to do with it as well.

So your best bet here is two-fold. First off, don't worry about orgasm so much. Instead, focus on the whole experience. Both you and your partner should enjoy yourselves. If orgasm happens then it happens, if not, then don't stress. And secondly, you should ask your partner what sort of stimulation he likes and take your cues (as far as you are also comfortable with it) from him.

You may also want to take a look at Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide.

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Question:

I will be a junior in high school next year, and because I've been lucky to stumble on a lot of really great sex-positive resources, I've learned I have a pretty strong interest in sexuality--as in, studying it/doing something in it as a career. However, getting information about this field is much more difficult than, say, engineering or law. What are jobs within this field, what are areas in college/majors you'd advise, and what are some ways I can get involved now, as a minor? My areas of interest are not really in the medical field--I'm more interested in counseling, giving advice, activism, and education

Also, do you have any advice for telling people about my interest? Right now the only person who knows is my boyfriend, because it's really difficult for me to trust most other people to not equivocate wanting to study sexuality with being obsessed with having sex. Esp my parents, who are politically liberal in every way except in their parenting. They ask me what I want to do with my life really often, and it's kinda stressful to not be able to talk to them.

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Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.