hi I'm 17 years old and i have been dating my boyfriend for more than a year and we are thinking about having sex already. My boyfriend and i are both virgins so this would be our first time having sex and I'm pretty nervous because this would be my first time having sex and I'm scared to get pregnant. I have 3 questions and my first question is BY using a CONDOM will this be SAFE for us to do since its gonna be our first time and is it possible to get PREGNANT even though were gonna use a CONDOM and how can a CONDOM RIP? And my second question is that WILL I BLEED for it being my first time having sex since I'm a virgin? since I've heard that some girls do bleed by having sex for the first time but why? My last question is if i do have sex for the first time would my PERIOD COME LATE and is this something to WORRY ABOUT?
P.S. I would be very thankful if you could answer my 3 questions that I've asked you.
I have to address one thing first. I don't know if it was a typo or your 'misspoke' or what-have-you, but you said "we are thinking about having sex already". Already, as in, this is too soon for you? If so, this may be your first clue to STOP and really think about it. If you have any reservations about going forward with intercourse, you need to not do it. You can't take it back once it's done, and it's not going anywhere; Sex will still be there later, and it'll be even better when you're ready for it.
Now, onto your questions ...
Using condoms alone for pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection prevention is as safe as you make it. If you use condoms properly (with lubrication, for all genital contact, etc), condoms are about 85% effective with typical use. Condom mishaps do happen ... A condom can break/tear or slip off the penis and be left in the vagina. You can prevent tearing and slippage by using appropriate fitting condoms (they should be snug, but not too tight), additional lubrication (the lube on the condoms just isn't enough!), and having your partner hold onto the base of the condom when withdrawing. In the case of a condom mishap, there is emergency contraception (EC). Emergency contraception is a high dose of hormones taken after unprotected intercourse to prevent ovulation and/or implantation. See the link below for more information on EC.
You can also use a backup method of birth control. Many couples use the birth control pill as well as condoms, or pair any two methods together. If you're uncomfortable using only one method, discuss your options with your doctor and your partner.
Not all women bleed the first time they have intercourse. Being a virgin does not mean the first time you have intercourse will hurt or that you will bleed. You may bleed, but this should be very light and only last for a few hours (a day at the most). It is not wrong for either to happen. Some women do bleed as remnants of the hymen is broken. The hymen is a thin piece of membrane that covers part of the opening to the vagina from birth, and naturally wears away over time. Many women have very little hymen left by the time they're sexually active. See the link below to learn more about the hymen and virginity as a concept.
Having intercourse for the first time should not make your period late. Charting your periods (if you're not doing so already) will give you a better sense of how long your cycles are and when you should expect your period, so you're not worrying for no reason. You need to be realistic though, if you're taking precautions (hormonal or barrier methods ... the pill, condoms, diaphragm, etc), your chances of pregnancy are quite low. If you find you're stressing about pregnancy even though you're using precautions to the best of your ability, you'll need to reevaluate your readiness to be sexually active.
Check it out;
- Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
- First Intercourse 101
- Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To
- STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes
- Margaret Sanger's Disneyland: Choosing Contraceptives
- Emergency Contraception
- Condom Basics: A User's Manual
- Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context